Sick as a Dog

I find it not at all refreshingly ironic that on one of the hottest days of the year so far, I went to see a movie about Global Warming and came out with a cold. I actually felt the first tickle in the back of my throat (if you must, insert dirty jokes here) as soon as the lights went down. Though, my back started bothering me the day before. So, who knows.

Anyhoo, the tickle became a scratch and then a sore. Then, my back started to ache more. So, I did what any rational human being would do -- I had an afternoon martini. Oh, it was good.

Then I had a couple helpings of homemade salad, thinking the veggies might help -- later, I would regret this. And then, another martini. Things were heading south. I watched the Sopranos finale -- lackluster, at best -- and decided that since my back was now throbbing, I should follow up the brushing of my teeth with a muscle relaxant.

Well, that worked...temporarily. I slept like it was my final sleep until 2. I woke every hour after with the tickle, scratch and sore and finally got up around 6. Well, the couple fixin's of salad made a reappearance. You've heard of the salad shooter, I take it. Well, that phrase has a whole new meaning. Anyway, after oatmeal and another shooter, I headed off to work where, you guessed it, I had another salad (we moved into a new building where all meals are free -- how could I possibly resist?.

What then proceeded was agonizing stomach pain -- inability or lack of desire to decimate public bathrooms with the horror of all of my insides -- alternating with back pain and throat pain.

Now, at home, after a bath and some soup and a lot of water to drink, I'm hopeful that tonight's muscle relaxant might do the "all is better" trick.

Stay tuned.